i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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