Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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