Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if only i could text you this smell
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
