How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
