Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
