she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
