I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
