every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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