Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
