is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
