Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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