Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
