I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
