I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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