I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
