I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize