i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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