True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
