I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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