He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
