remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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