Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
