just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the day after is always just damage control
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
