I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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