either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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