He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
