I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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