i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
