In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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