He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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