thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
