So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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