I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MIDGETS
????
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
