Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
