i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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