my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's shark week go big or go home
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
