So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
