We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
