All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Actions speak louder than pants.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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