i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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