You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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