Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize