So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
