shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
