And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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