I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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