I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
