Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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