I puked a lego.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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