After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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