just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
