He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
