I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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