jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't deserve a penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
