You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
