So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
