Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
