I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
