Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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