I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
