There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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