I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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