I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
