i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
