It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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