just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
