i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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