It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
