Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
