after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
