i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
