I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
