it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
