Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
