I'm lost and stupid without you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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