sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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