Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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