I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
