Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
