So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
