his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
