Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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