I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
