a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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