to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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