I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
