2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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