My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drunk is not a location!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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