i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
