I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
