Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think a kid would responsible me up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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