I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
