Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
