Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
