just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love having hate sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Randomize
