shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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