you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
