The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
