First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
