I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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