Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
