Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize