Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
