also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
