It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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